Reflection: The way to know the SELF

She craves to know herself. She looks at her image at all possible places. She never misses to glance secretly at her self reflection in the glass panes of big stores just to make sure that she is looking alright. Alright?? Well she is herself unsure what that alright means to her. She is not a beautiful lady, not even attractive. She is not the kind of person who strives to look pretty or attractive.
"Cool!!" as others sometimes remark her attitude, will be a perfect word to describe her. Had it been others, they would have never wished to see their flairs of hairs, bushy brows, dark complexion again and again, she contends. She thinks looking at her reflection repeatedly helps her feel confident, eloquent and important. Self reflection helps her to know self better.

She is reading Paulo Coelho's 'Veronica decides to die' and now she has a very strange desire of dying as even her life is all so very boring and monotonous. She is all aware of the fact that life has many things to offer to her and that she may feel like living again. Yet she wants to feel the way Veronica must have felt when she finally decided to take the pills and attempt to die. This is not the only time when she has compared her life with that of the characters of the books she's read. Through books she has succeeded to live many lives which otherwise would have been almost impossible. She searches for herself even in the books. She remembers the sleepless nights she'd spent in search of her soul after reading Siddhartha. At one point she even thought of giving up everything and then going on a journey of self discovery. "Ah! I was so foolish then", she laughs now.

She recounts the time after watching Rang De Basanti. How patriotic she had felt then. She could feel her blood boiling with the desire to fight and die for the country. How, Doll's House by Henric Ibsen, staged at Gurukul had made her feel a strong revolting woman. Even snaps of the People's Revolution II had forced her to find herself at that place. After seeing the pictures of people shouting and fighting for democracy, she also went to the streets to protest and intonate her voice with that of the people in the street. "I had been a real hero then", she remarks proudly. "I had for the instant found myself as a fighting youth and was satisfied with what I discovered about myself".

Knowing oneself or making an attempt to know self is not pleasant every time. She can't however help searching this self at every possible place. Looking for one self, at all odds has become her habit, an obsession indeed. She searches herself in every book she reads, in all the music she plays, every movies she watches and every other thing that has become her life.